Catch-33

I took it upon myself to prepare physically for the next few treks so I’ve taken to increasing the weight to a ridiculous amount or 50+ pounds. I did this by stuffing my awesome pack with two 2.5 gallon jugs of water as ballast and whatever else I needed for a good seven mile trudge. This was a serious step up from the 20+ pounds of skinny jeans I’d been hauling around. The weight was shocking but I soon got used to it and began to trace my previous hike.



Every time I took the pack off my muscles would try to force my head forward into the ground. They were overcompensation from being pulled the other way for so long.



A magical thing happened. I was in no hurry to finish because I was training so taking breaks which were not a necessity became supreme pleasure. My back and shoulders would alternately ache requiring me to find a nice dry log to take a seat on. The frequency of logs gave my pace a tempo that seemed almost planned but was also truly natural.



My legs threw me down these trails. They were tireless and I only breathed hard when scaling steep hills. My pace was enviable at least in my mind. At least until this fat gay guy with painted on Khaki short shorts and a girl’s day pack matched my pace. I changed my path to a different trail that was shorter but more rugged to avoid inviting conversation.



When I arrived back to my car I noticed the fat gay dude had beaten me back. For a fat gay dude, he sure knew how to speed walk.

Shoes – In perhaps a bad line of thought, I hastily purchased the Teva Romero Trail Running Shoes (For Men) ($38.97). I looked and looked for something like, “Last boots you’ll ever wear” and “Best trail running shoes” and the like. Everything I found showed a haggard leather boot and a resounding review for some German leather worker who makes fifty boots a year. I idolize the idea of having a pair of boots that have become so ingrained into my feet that it feels weird and uncomfortable to wear any other shoe. Honestly it’s way too personal a choice to dig up online so I went impersonal. I read many good things for Teva so when I saw they had a cheap pair of shoes, I jumped.

Surprisingly, these shoes feel awesome. My feet generated only a few hot spots and not a single blister. And they fit perfectly. I’ve nothing but good things to say for now and if they wear out too soon at least they’re cheap enough to be disposable.



Backpack – From my trail hike you may have read I had the Osprey Atmos 50 Backpack ($179.06). Originally I’d been dead set on getting the Osprey Exos 58. The Exos is lighter, smarter, more svelte and holds more. But then I read a vein of reviews saying how it’s an advanced external frame pack and it’s very delicate. I’ve read nothing but bad things about external frames and how bad they are for you. And fragility, well, I want this to be my last pack I have to buy. The Atmos 50 lacked a single bad review. The Exos is a piece of equipment meant to be used by financed professionals who only rely on their pack briefly. The Atmos is more durable.

I can attest I felt next to nothing from my hike even near the end. I’m out of shape, so when I start loading the weight and getting in shape, this pack will really start to shine. Other than the way it feels, it’s very well made and I’ve yet to figure out the location of all the pockets.



Sleeping Sac – My sleeping sac, the Outbound Silk Sleeping Bag Liner – Rectangular ($34.36), has a blatant misnomer in the name. Can you guess it? When I first touched it my tactile alarms blared and I knew something was wrong. I checked the label and in bold clear text it says 100% Polyester, which is not silk. The entire point of having a silk sleeping sac is to keep your bag clean and for comfort in hostel beds and in said hostel beds to keep bed bugs away, of course beside the niceness of sleeping in silk. I don’t know what this will do against bed bugs, or any bugs, but I know it feels like polyester. I will still use it simply to keep my sleeping bag clean on the inside, which at my current price points is shaping up to be between $300-$500, but I’m not happy and severely dissuade anyone from making the same mistake of assuming something specified as “made of silk for amazing next-to-skin softness”, “Pure silk liner adds a comfortable layer to your rectangular bag” and “Material: 100% silk”. I will be arguing with Sierra Trading Post over this in hopes of getting a coupon or something.



Knife – I chose the Boker Skeleton Handle Knife - Straight Blade ($27.95) mostly because I read into the description that Skeleton Handel implied light weight. It’s still a very heavy knife (3.2oz). It doubles as a fist iron with a blade extended so I think I’ll use it in spite the weight.



Next week I'll start the sleeping system debate that raged in my head for a good two weeks. And a few odds and ends will be covered too.

My first solo hike and first voluntary one started off to a bumpy start. I was pretty hung over from a bottle of wine and four shots of whisky a few hours earlier. My pack (the Osprey Atmos 50) was loaded to the brim with all my old skinny jeans I’d paid too much for as ballast. I purchased a gallon of water and a pouch of Matador Beef Jerky from my local Wegmans. Travel weight I’m estimating to be about twenty five pounds. Less than I wanted because I’m looking at about forty in the lower bound as standard when I’m loaded for real. Probably better to ease into it anyway.



I chose this trail because it’s literally five minutes down the road from where I live. A trail this close to a major populous can’t be idyllic in the sense of “seeing nature”, but that’s not what I was looking for. This is training, pure and simple. It’s tantamount to running on a treadmill.

The Prince William National Park had no guard to charge me the $6.00 fee. I breezed through the gate house with the ambiguous message to “Check the Visitor Center if no one is present.” Advice I could take or leave and I’m sure they didn’t need six more dollars. Woods do not need to be watered or anything. “Maybe new paint every five years,” my friend said. Foot traffic keeps the trail worn. So I felt no obligation morally.

At the end of the parking lot walk north picking up the yellow blazed Laurel loop Trail.

My map was ambiguous but I am also a victim of a terrible sense of direction. The mote of a voice that whispers the right way to go is either stomped by thousands of other voices blaring in my head or more likely, it was never there. Finding the “Trail-Head” was an ordeal. I walked the length of the parking lot three times before calling my veteran hiker friend.



“What is a ‘Blaze’?” I asked.

“You’re hiking? That’s so strange.” He replied.

I re-walked the length of the parking lot once again while explaining by my best approximation which way north was. Items added to the pack list: Compass. Not finding any marked yellow “blazes” on the ground in the parking lot, I started increasing my walking loops breadth. I walked away from the parking lot in what I guessed was a northerly direction. I passed a picnic area and noticed three fat people stumbling out of the forest with that “hungry for chocolate” look. On a tree I noticed a tiny yellow square. This was a “blaze”. I’d been looking for a large marking on the ground. My journey had begun.



For the first mile or so, I saw people shuffling around and generally making my bile rise. Not them specifically so much. I was sickened by this cut of land, this paltry section of well groomed forest. It was dirty, dry, and boring. But this is the prescribed dose of nature that’s been afforded to us Americans. People load a cooler full of sweet drinks and candy bars into their SUV and zoom on down the nine lane freeway interstate to nature, now found in three convenient locations. Bumbling down the trail, they make it about a mile. Beads of sugary sweat and Off Bug Spray give the mosquitoes ambivalence. And back they trek to the picnic area for lunch, gasping for breath the entire time.

The parking lot was full but after the first mile, I was alone. Just me and hundreds of squirrels chasing after these nuts that constantly thumped in the distance.



Pyrite is also known as Fool’s Gold. For a time, around the late 1940s, it was also real gold. It can be refined into sulfates which were used in making several products of value. The land of this park was raped until a cheaper solution was found. The rivers ran yellow and smelled of rotten eggs. The area has been on the mend for a couple decades.



There was a picture what the original site of the Pyrate Mine and how terrible it looked in 1994. Compared to now, I’d have preferred that because at least it’d be a sight to see. It was a site of industry and labor. After which it was a site of an environmental disaster and neglect. Now it was a bog. I’ve seen plenty of those.



This is the problem Native American’s never understood. Shitty forests like these are endless. I’d have slash and burned them too after a week trouncing about in their like. Even the guide page I referenced for this hike suggests this hike is better during the winter. My veteran hiker friend spends his hikes in the Pennsylvanian woods, which are a little more rich, but not much. I kept looking for things to see. There were none. Am I the only one not impressed with this? Am I spoiled by seeing hiking pictures of beautiful landscapes, misty mountains, flowing rivers and majestic trees? Or is this just a husk of what was left of a once beautiful forest? No matter; it’s the perfect spot for city expansion. Keep the growth of the cities here, away from any real forests of value.

I was annoyed by all the dead trees along the way. It was like visiting a sick relative; I took the time today to see them, they should at least reciprocate by being alive. The trail was dotted with informational placards. They are the park service saying, we know there’s nothing worth seeing so this will keep you from being bored. I read each one in full detail.

Far deep in the loop, far from 99% of foot traffic, the North Valley Trail, things started looking a little less dead and dying. This also where I got lost and missed my trail. I preferred the feeling of not knowing exactly where I was. It engorged my wanderlust organ and it was the sole enjoyable part of the hike. Luckily for my crabby disposition, it’s pretty impossible to stay lost. Just keep going and you’ll make it somewhere.

I was soon on my way back. From the North Valley Trail, I’d missed the Quantico Falls Trail which made it impossible to find the Mary Bird Branch Trail from the Scenic Drive. I walked down the Scenic Drive until I met back up with South Valley Trail where I began retracing my paths.



I got back to my car and was struck by the fart I left earlier.

I’ve been taken with the idea of simply walking away and traveling the land. USA to start with, “to cut our teeth,” I should say. USA has several pros and cons for the vagabond:



Pro: You can never go hungry. No one with any amount of means can starve in mainland USA.
Con: You can never go hungry. It’s a safety net that debilitates a man to never truly testing wits and resourcefulness.



Pro: We speak the language. That’s one leg up to cultural acclimatization.
Con: We speak the language. There’s never any challenge to ordering a meal or bartering for nights stay.



Pro: USA is huge! There’re so many unsettled places to discover.
Con: USA is huge! There’re so many places to be buried in an unhallowed grave, that is, is there’s anything left to bury.



Con: USA was never designed for foot traffic. Most maps will have you sidling freeways.



Con: USA has an insane amount of insane murders an insane year, which is every year. Not ideal for a nameless vagabond.



Con: USA is very well armed. Not ideal for a nameless vagabond willing to steal to eat. Might catch a bullet right through my front teeth, smiling like a Cheshire cat.
Con: I’m an USA native so I’ve no revered exotic status which exclude getting some strange.

As you can see, there’s a lot not to like about bumming it in USA. It’s like a game on easy mode. Sure there are sites to see and I’ll enjoy seeing them, but there’s a strange duality. It’s convivial to life with its general care of homeless but also people get snuffed out on any moment’s notice by passing motorists and serial killers. Seems like as good as any place to start.